


anchor me (keep me from fading)

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 08:44:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10382847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: in which jihoon dissociates and soonyoung is there to keep him anchored.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'M NOT... REALLY SURE WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO EXPLAIN WHAT DISSOCIATION IS ?  
> it's a different experience for everyone but this fic is kinda a reflection of MY SYMPTOMS when i dissociate ... aka something i do almost 25/8
> 
> very short and sweet but also kinda messy and disorganized.

"jihoon?"

a warm hand settles itself on his knee and jihoon visibly flinches from the contact.

he looks up at the owner of the hand, soonyoung, with panic in his eyes. soonyoung looks at him with apparent concern. he looks around to see everyone else sharing the same expression. 

immediately, he is abashed and stares down at his lap. guilt bubbles in the acids of his stomach, making him nauseous and want to retch over.

"'m sorry ..." jihoon apologizes in a meek whisper. his hands tremble. beside him, soonyoung sucks in a soft breath.

with his gaze lowered, he does not watch as soonyoung exchanges a silent conversation with seungcheol. he does not see the comprehension in the man's eyes, but he hears him urge for everyone to take a break. he hears shifting of bodies, the squeaks of sneakers, comforting murmurs and the door opening then closing. 

jihoon and soonyoung were the only ones left behind.

eventually, soonyoung moves too. jihoon is scared he plans to abandon him too, but he only scoots in front of him and reaches to grip his trembling hands. 

shakily, he breathes and lifts his gaze to peer into soonyoung's soft crescent eyes.

"are you okay?" is the first question he asks when they meet eyes. his voice is soft and velvety as he speaks, something jihoon is always able to get lost in. everyday, he wonders why he chose to be in the performance unit when he clearly had talent for vocals.

"i'm fine," jihoon says tersely. his vague response only makes soonyoung's brows knit together and lips purse.

"what were you feeling?" soonyoung prods. his hands in jihoon's tighten slightly that he could feel the blunt edges of his nails dig into his pale flesh. 

"... like i was floating or ... fading away ...?" jihoon mumbles before pausing to close his eyes and thinking about it more. recalling what he felt moments ago or what occurred was never easy for the man because they left as easily as they came, but he often tried during such small sessions like these.

his eyes flutter open, glazed over slightly.

"my body ... it didn't feel like ... mine. it felt foreign ..."

"jihoon," soonyoung calls softly through the mist forming in his vision, "baby? come on, focus on me." 

jihoon blinks and manages to focus albeit with difficulty. weakly, he apologizes again, "'m sorry ..." 

"don't be sorry," soonyoung reassures, pressing a light kiss on the man's forehead, "all of us were worried. we were all trying to think of lyrics to the new song you composed for us ... i thought something was up 'cause you weren't writing and was more focused on the nothing on the ground ... i'm glad i caught you before you flew away in time."

"i didn't feel real, soonyoung," jihoon says. his body trembles because even now, nothing quite felt real with him. 

"but baby, you  _are_ real." 

"am i?"

jihoon thinks he might have aggravated soonyoung because he hears him inhale through his nose. he makes a fearful noise and shuts his eyes, ready for him to walk out because he's frustrated with how stubborn he is being. he knows that soonyoung always liked to hear the truth, but it didn't necessarily mean he would always be happy with it.

but when he opens his eyes, soonyoung is still there. he's smiling down at him with his squinty eyes that point up and stretched lips. 

he's beautiful. there's no way that this is real.

"you are."

the dancer releases his hands and loops his arms around the smaller. he pulls his forward until his body is seated on his warm lap and jihoon's face is pressed against the crook of his neck. he breathes in the man's scent, feels his throbbing pulse and focuses on it.

"is  _this_ real too?" jihoon whispers in his ear.

soonyoung nods, tightening his arms around him.

the tight embrace reminds jihoon of an anchor and soon finds it fitting because he realizes that soonyoung is what keeps him from fading into nonexistence.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment or kudos if you liked it.
> 
> personal tumblr: http://dinohs.tumblr.com


End file.
